The Tough Stuff

or, five ways to approach writing when it becomes emotionally painful

In the last article (“Practice Your Instrument”), I compared songwriting to an instrument that improves with daily practice. I also shared how I got rusty after I stopped writing every day. 

Was I being lazy? No. In fact, I don’t believe in “laziness.” When we resist doing something (like writing), there’s usually a deep-seated reason that deserves our attention. 

My reason? Writing terrified me. It forced me to encounter an inner voice I didn’t want to hear. You are suffering, said the voice. Here are the beginnings of songs that you’re too scared to write.

Rather than listen, I stopped writing.

After a while, I felt guilty for not writing. I even sensed that I was avoiding something important. So, I dove back in, but this time, I didn’t make writing a daily exercise. Instead, I decided to tackle every painful thing I could think of, head on. That’s the responsible thing to do, right? Write the tough stuff!

None of those songs came out very compelling. Looking back, I was in a hurry to write them. They weren't even songs so much as strings of conclusions I'd already drawn about past trauma, and they just so happened to rhyme and scan! Hooray. Meanwhile, that inner voice, the one that would only emerge when I wrote every day about nothing in particular, stayed silent. 

Hearing ourselves think (and feel) can be very disquieting. But with a gentle and self-caring approach, we can write every day, even when it scares us. 

Here are five ways I’ve learned to approach daily writing when I’m scared of it. I hope they’ll help you, too:

1. Write what’s easy and fun. 
   
   If you’ve heard that writing easy fun stuff is “lazy,” I invite you to dismiss that idea completely. Go write easy fun stuff. I can think of four good reasons why. First, it will get you started. Second, it will bring you joy. Third, it might inspire a total banger. And fourth, it will give you a gateway to the tough stuff. Access the deep woods via the garden. 
   
   If you’re like me, you’ll find that your honest feelings tumble out more easily when you’re relaxed.
    
2. Write the “nothing in particular” stuff.
   
   This can be haiku about nature, object writing about objects, or any song prompts that don't deal directly with emotionally taxing subjects. (Want a free weekly writing prompt with a haiku for inspiration? You can sign up for my weekly song prompt email. Fill out the contact form, or just email info@sagechristie.com and say, “Sign me up for song prompts!”)
    
3. Write how you feel about writing. 
   
   Mad? Reluctant? Scared? Bored?
   
   Many of my writings have begun: “I hate writing. This is torture. I am terrible at writing, I’m not supposed to say that, this pen hurts my hand…”
   
   If it gets you started, it gets you started. And it’s honest.
    
4. Write about other people & from other perspectives.
   
   Toni Morrison advised her students to get outside of themselves by making up characters and watching their lives play out across the page. It’s great advice for any writer, including songwriters. 
   
   I personally hate fiction, so I only write non-fiction, but this can work too. Three of my favorite Sage Christie songs make no mention of me at all. One’s about my uncle, one’s about a close friend and his daughter, and one’s about the late Filipina human rights activist Zara Alvarez.
    
5. Be kind to yourself when the tough stuff rears its head. 
   
   Writing daily eventually unearths buried things: poignant memories, painful houghts and feelings, and questions for which we have no answers. 
   
   This is what I consider the tough stuff.  
   
   When the tough stuff finds its way onto your page, you will have joined a family of mistake-makers, self-doubters, and trauma survivors whose pen has led them to a place of openness and vulnerability. Welcome. 
   
   Even once we arrive at this vulnerable milestone, trusting ourselves to keep writing (which means encountering more tough stuff) can still be unnerving. We might think to ourselves, the words that are coming out of me right now feel foreign. I wouldn’t say them out loud. They don’t even make sense. 
   
   At least, that’s been my experience. You’re reading the advice of a person who is still trying to hold their own hand through this stuff every day. Here’s some good news: 
   
   Many songwriters report that it took them years to understand a song they’d previously written. At the time of writing, they thought it was about someone else, or some other situation. Years later, they realized their subconscious had guided their hand into penning a song about buried tough stuff. Often, these songs are tremendously impactful, for both the writer and their audience.

Over time, you might find (as I have) that as you keep writing, the tough stuff gets easier to write about. But in the meantime, there is no need to injure yourself trying to dig it up. As you write, it will surface. You are safe to trust the process. 

“But,” whispers your subconscious, “what if real-life consequences ensue?”

Ah, yes. That happened to me. In the next article, I’ll tell you about it. For now,

Be gentle. Care for yourself. Go easy. You are safe.